i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
