Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
