You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.