I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.