Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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  (626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf
  Replies (57) Good night (835) Bad night (3395)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

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  (503): today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola. http://tfl.nu/yi5l
  Replies (18) Good night (2474) Bad night (5105)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.

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  (412): I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is. http://tfl.nu/ejf0
  Replies (12) Good night (5235) Bad night (1442)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift

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  (406): Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift http://tfl.nu/uiqc
  Replies (3) Good night (938) Bad night (1306)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone

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  (630): At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone http://tfl.nu/tam4
  Replies (4) Good night (1217) Bad night (1047)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face

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  (541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face http://tfl.nu/zdd8
  Replies (11) Good night (2165) Bad night (742)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested

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  (914): Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested http://tfl.nu/5edf
  Replies (4) Good night (1898) Bad night (696)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.

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  (603): Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj. http://tfl.nu/n7sy
  Replies (6) Good night (1192) Bad night (415)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.

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  (636): She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet. http://tfl.nu/ogh1
  Replies (5) Good night (1124) Bad night (404)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.

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  (817): I want to just live in between your butt cheeks. http://tfl.nu/apm7
  Replies (14) Good night (606) Bad night (440)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick

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  (216): Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick http://tfl.nu/45q6
  Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (407)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.

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  (412): Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon. http://tfl.nu/le72
  Replies (0) Good night (1009) Bad night (413)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.

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  (905): Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese. http://tfl.nu/za8p
  Replies (0) Good night (635) Bad night (201)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...

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  (602): I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are... http://tfl.nu/2sft
  Replies (0) Good night (402) Bad night (126)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.

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  (786): He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love. http://tfl.nu/fj2w
  Replies (1) Good night (102) Bad night (62)

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