aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex