I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult