let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
