The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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