you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
