We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
