it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
