We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You took a bar mat shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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