Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off