dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home