I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.