ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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