So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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