Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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