Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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