I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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