Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
