Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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