he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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