You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
