dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
