Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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