I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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