We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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