He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
