I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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