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I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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