I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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