Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
