I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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