remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
