i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
