the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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