He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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