if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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