I just cut my nipple shaving
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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