An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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