Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
