You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
