I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
