Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
