Plan B is the new Plan A
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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