I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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