I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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