Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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