I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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