apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
