I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
