She is in my trunk
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
