giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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