So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
