Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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