Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
