It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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