I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
