last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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