1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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