I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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