8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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