Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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