Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
