He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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My vagina is officially offended.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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