i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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