Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
