omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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